Malcolm to Brain

Dear Brain,

In 4 weeks time I will be sitting for the biggest exam in my life, and you sir, are going to be playing a large part in helping me get through that. I plan to do well enough for these exams to get into a good university like NYU, or maybe even LSE, and thus secure my financial future. Needless to say, you play a critical part in the realization of this plan. Furthermore, I would like to remind you that since we are one and the same, my success is your success – by helping me out now, you’ll directly be securing a future for yourself guaranteed to be full of….doing nothing, really, and other rich people stuff. You may even get to drug yourself up on endorphines if I may enough money in future to buy an exotic car like the Audi R10 (which I assume they’ll release by the time I have enough money to afford something like that). Thus as you can see, there are really limitless benefits to this short term sacrifice you need to make – 4 weeks of concentration against a lifetime of luxury (well, besides University, but that’s another issue altogether), which leads me to question: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! WAKE UP YOU DOLT! HELP ME OUT HERE FOR A LITTLE BIT, ALRIGHT? WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO YOU?! I FEED YOU (amply), I INDULGE YOU, I’VE LET YOU DO VIRTUALLY NOTHING FOR THE PAST 6 YEARS. COULDN’T YOU GIVE A LITTLE BIT BACK NOW??? ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS WORK FOR MORE THAN 2 HOURS A DAY, AND HOLD THE SYLLABUS UNTIL NOVEMBER 20TH, AND THAT’S IT! YOU’LL BE BEYOND UNDERUSED NEXT YEAR, AND THE YEAR AFTER THAT! 

Yours Truly,

Your Owner